guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
