My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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