dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
