my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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