Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
do herpes really smell.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
