Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
