He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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