Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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