I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
