i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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