he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
