The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
