Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
