READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
