Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
