That's when you crack a 10am beer
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
