they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
