If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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