There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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