Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
