I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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