That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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