Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
