Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
