Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
