I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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