her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
