Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
