Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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