someone get that fucking seahorse.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am available for nakedness
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize