I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
