Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
