i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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