Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
bring money and cleavage
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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