apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
