when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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