Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize