My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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