id be glad to
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize