ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize