Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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