i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
