That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
