My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize