Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
