I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
