and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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