This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
