Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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