yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
