your thong is hanging out like whoa
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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