That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
