Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
