i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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