I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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