you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
