I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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