we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
