six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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