I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
