He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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