What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
