Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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