i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I supernannyed him into submission
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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