just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
