he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So much Jack, so little girl.
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