dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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